Post Exam Blues

Mai 18 (Mercredi)
I think exams make me unhappy. Got my midterm back today & I got 53.5/60 (=89%), which is kinda good. But I just don't know why I'm so PO after I see the mark. I got almost perfect on all sections but I didn't correctly identify the composer & genre for the unknown listenings. I guess that was one of the big blows b/c it means that I had no idea about the style of the composers we studied & that I couldn't apply what I memorized. But but but.. Schubert & Chopin's character pieces sound alike & Beethoven & the beginning of this weird Liszt etude sound alike. No more excuses. The fact is that I don't know enough and I have not heard enough piano pieces.

But then there's the whole crap about exams. If I get lower than what I expected (& I just can't expect low when I think I REALLY studied), even a fraction lower, I would feel like sh8t and have low self-esteem for the whole class, if not the whole day, esp. when I know I could have spitted more things I know on the paper. If I get a good mark, I would feel great until I hear more than 2 ppl got even higher than me. To make things more screwed - If I get really good (even if I expected that), I would just get all arrogant about the subject & think I know everything & don't study hard for it from there on. This suck. I wasn't like this when I was in elementary school AT ALL. I was one of those who would be in the lower end of the middle range if not the lower range. What happened??

The class was going all cool and fun & the evaluation just ruins it. It's just like someone chopping your favorite spagetti into the smallest pieces possible and telling you to eat it. It's bloody disgusting. & I feel all awkward and dumb in front of the prof & etc. considering I was even talking with him about life in Vancouver, Montreal & Paris the night before! -> I went to a piano concert that I thought no one in the class would go to & then I saw my prof.
I shall recover from this pathological self-consciousness by tomorrow. The class was soo quiet today by the way.. Not many giving opinions & etc. (including moi.. ha). Maybe everyone was experiencing the similar post-exam-blues?!

So my plans for the day is ruined. I was going to go to the Violin-Making museum & the Contemporary Art Gallery. I guess I just have to leave those for other days. But Vieux Montreal tomorrow morning AGAIN!